‘What pitching on Dragon’s Den taught me about rejection, resilience and leading myself’. 

It’s coming up 12 years since I pitched on Dragons Den. What I can now share after that passage of time, is that the rejection hurt me more than I expected but taught and gifted me far more than getting a deal ever could. 

The gift, however, has rooted over the years through how I’ve alchemised the initial negative. Something I think women have a truly remarkable ability to do when we lean in and create space to trust ourselves. Let’s briefly step back to that timeframe… I was already body, mind and soul exhausted when I walked into the Den on the 1^st April 2014. 

I was running a growing FMCG business. To stay alive financially had taken a full-time sales manager role for another brand, driving a 150-mile round trip commute daily. Raising my three kids, who were all at pivotal stages in their schooling, and trying to keep myself and marriage intact on the wild ride of growing a business. I was pitching not only for investment and the all-important visibility (as a new kid on the snacking block, with little resources for marketing spend the exposure was priceless), but for survival. We really did need the win that day. 

The irony is that I handled the pitch well…solid numbers, the product and brand landed, the pitch was strong overall. We’d gone in armed with personalised stand-out product for each Dragon. But still, one by one the Dragons went out (except for Duncan Bannatyne, he was in from the get-go). Not because the idea and proposition were weak, more because the pressure was visible, it was palpable. 

There was a particular line, that whilst delivered as kindly as it could’ve been, cut deep, and more than any criticism ever could. ‘It’s written all over Claire’s face, it’s taken you to the edge hasn’t it’. It cut because it was the truth. What was also true was at that time, I had no idea how I could come back from this rejection. Did I have the required resilience and self-leadership to get back up? Spoiler alert, yes, I did. The 40-year-old Claire wasn’t convinced at that time though. All she saw was failure, criticism, rejection and a huge lack of faith and belief in herself. Let the rebuild begin.

These same things I saw, are patterns I see time and again in female founders and leaders. Through this it’s become apparent to me, that when women face rejection, we often personalise and internalise it. 

• I wasn’t good enough
• I should have been better prepared
• Maybe I’m not cut out for this

This internal spiral doesn’t come from nowhere. Its quietly shaped by years of conditioning in workplaces and systems where for women, ambition can be penalised, confidence misread and self-belief labelled as ego. Consequently, when the inevitable rejection we all face at times does come, we can make it fit the old fears we’ve adopted as our identity. In the weeks following Dragons Den, the pull for me to sink into these patterns was strong. It was during this pocket of time that my awareness and understanding of the power of resilience and self-leadership really kicked in and lit a fire in me.

Resilience isn’t just about surviving. It’s about coming back stronger. Resilience can at times get confused with tolerance though. When you get commended for how much you can put up with, or how much pressure you can take without breaking, when really, we’re crumbling inside. That isn’t resilience, it’s being a martyr. Real resilience isn’t about getting back up when you’re knocked down. That’s the bare minimum. The magic happens when you get back up and rise differently. Wiser, clearer, stronger with more resolve, with that internal change and deepened inner strength. 

Rejection on its own isn’t the problem. It’s what we make it mean.
There’s power in refusing to collapse your identity around the rejection. This is again where women can struggle. It’s not through lack of strength. More because they’ve not been supported in looking within for direction and confirmation. The loud narrative is to look outside for confirmation, and when that doesn’t come, it can knock the wind out of you.

I have learned the real work in resilience is in learning how to lead yourself through that moment. To ask, ‘what do I know to be true about myself, regardless of this outcome?’ The version of leadership that exists externally when everything is going well and the results are visible, is a world away from the quieter, harder kind…self-leadership. Self-leadership is what happens when you don’t get the win. When the deal doesn’t come good. When you’re under pressure. It’s the ability to remain anchored in who you are, versus who you in that moment or task are being evaluated as.

Pitching on Dragons Den, and facing the outcome of rejection forced me to face the loud question I see many female founders and leaders would rather not sit with, ‘Am I willing to back myself even when the outcome is a no?’ This is a hugely important question because, if it’s a no, every single rejection is a negotiation with your self-belief and confidence.

It’s about leading yourself when no one else is clapping for you.
When you are left with whatever outcome you are facing, you still have to live with yourself. You still have to get up the next day and make a conscious decision on how you are going to lead. Not just in your business or your next opportunity, but in the most important place of all…within yourself.

I made the decision to look internally. Look to where I was sourcing my confidence and approval from. I’m not the person I was 12 years ago. I have learned that self-leadership isn’t loud. It’s a solid and quiet decision not to spiral and abandon yourself just because the outcome isn’t what you hoped for. It’s more about asking ‘who do I need to become to face this’ rather than ‘what do I need to do’. We have all the resources when we choose ourselves. When we trust our own judgment without waiting for permission, and when we don’t outsource our confidence to outcomes or decisions from a single moment in time.  I didn’t allow that pitch to break me, stop me, or define me. What it did, is present me with a choice. Was I going to allow my story to be written as rejection and failure, retreat into that obvious narrative or was I going to alchemise and rise?

I chose to rise. To lead myself with an inner belief, trust, and faith that I have total sovereignty on who I become. How I show up, how I speak to and treat myself. To stay in alignment with who I am within. So, whilst I didn’t get backing in the Den from the Dragons, what I got was far more valuable and enduring. The choice to go all in and back myself…always. The most powerful leaders are not the ones who never hear no. They are the ones who refuse to let no decide who they become.